Wearing a haar when getting married

Q. I recently attended a wedding ceremony that greatly shocked me. The bride did not wear a haar (perhaps she could not afford one — I do not know!). Above all, we waited for the dulha (the groom), but he never showed up. His behaviour, which seemed rather ridiculous, provoked harsh criticism from the guests, who were mainly women. What do you have to say about these so-called innovations? Is it haraam to wear a haar when getting married? Is it not obligatory to drink a little sweetened water after the Nikah? Is it haraam for the dulha to come and fetch his bride?

A. Islam categorically forbids the intermingling of opposite sexes in order to prevent immorality and indecency from becoming widespread in society. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta‘ala says in the Qur’an-e-Karim:

"Remain in your homes and do not make a display of yourselves as was the practice of the former period of ignorance." (33:33)

This was the command Allah Ta‘ala gave to the wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). Despite their elevated status and their impeccable conduct, Allah Ta‘ala still commanded them not to expose themselves. Why? Simply to emphasise the paramount importance of pardah (modesty and veiling). Moreover, the bond of motherhood that Allah established between the wives of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and the Muslim Ummah would, in most cases, exempt them from observing pardah in front of other Muslims — since a mother is not required to observe pardah in front of her own children. However, despite their taqwa (God-consciousness), Allah Ta‘ala commanded them to observe pardah — a ruling that provides a clear lesson for us regarding its significance.

In today’s society, the necessity of pardah is even more pressing, as fitnah (corruption and temptation) has become widespread and immorality is rampant.

Commenting on the aforementioned verse (33:33), the Mufassireen state that the word tabarruj refers to “the exhibition of beauty”. The phrase Jaahiliyyatil-Ula refers to “the practices that prevailed during the pre-Islamic era, where men and women would intermingle, and each would expose themselves in order to attract the opposite sex.” This is precisely what happens in many marriages nowadays, where men and women gather under one roof—something strictly forbidden in Islam, as such behaviour gives rise to great evils in society.

Likewise, it is haram for the dulha (groom) to present himself in a gathering where women are present, as the prohibition has already been clearly established in the aforementioned verse. Even more deplorable is the disgrace into which the dulha has sunk—when all the eyes of the guests are fixed on the dulha and the dulhan (bride), and when the dulha at times even lifts his wife's veil to kiss her. To make matters worse, this indecency is often filmed and later shown to loved ones, as though it were a matter of pride.

Have we ever asked ourselves: if the marriage were to break down and the young woman were to marry another man, what would happen to this video footage? Have we reflected on that?

It must be noted that the prohibition of intermingling between the sexes and the exhibition of beauty is not restricted to the wedding ceremony alone. Is it not a sign of a lack of self-respect and dignity for a man to allow or tolerate other men admiring his wife, daughter, sister or mother—or to freely allow his wife to admire other men? If we possessed true self-respect, we would never tolerate such shameful and degrading acts affecting our womenfolk.

In the name of so-called civilisation or “modernity”, we have descended into such spiritual depravity that we are no longer able to recognise virtue when we see it. We reject it outright, and what is good now appears bad to us. Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam) had already warned of such a time, when all good would be perceived as bad, and vice versa. Today, Islamic principles are flouted and labelled as innovations, extremism, or backwardness. Meanwhile, the indecencies, impurities, and practices—often adopted from cultures alien to Islam—go completely unnoticed.

Those who refuse to adopt such haram practices are quickly labelled as “extremists”, “orthodox”, “barbaric” or “backward”. In short, the new trend of so-called modernity is, in reality, immorality.

As for the newlywed (dulha), he may have simply acted in good faith, attempting to behave like a sincere Muslim. It should be clearly stated that wearing a haar (garland of flowers around the neck) and drinking sugary drinks are not part of Nikah, nor are they practices taught by Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam). Those who mocked the absence of the dulha and accused it of being an innovation should instead lament their own ignorance and spiritual bankruptcy.

What is truly shocking and revolting is that it is not only the kuffar and mushrikeen who harm Islam, but also those who call themselves Muslims—those who claim to love Allah Ta‘ala and His Messenger, Hadhrat Muhammad (Sallallaahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam)—who, through their actions and conduct, trample on the very principles of Islam. Worse still, they even dare to mock those who, against all odds, remain steadfast in upholding these principles. They fail to realise that they themselves are obstacles to the practice and propagation of Islam..

May Allah preserve us and guide us on the Siraat-ul-Mustaqeem. Ameen.              

[English version of "Porter un haar lors du Nikah" – Al Haadi – Vol. 2 No. 7]